As 2010 initiated itself before I had given it permission to it seemed, I immersed myself in an array of productive distractions within the first few months-but still distractions nonetheless. I somehow became a fitness enthusiast and planted myself in the rich soil of Bayside Church. These two things began to occupy my time more than any other activities and succeeded marvelously in tackling the colossal assignment of forcing my mind to deviate from the deeply ingrained patterns and thoughts that used to consume my life.
So the year progressed. My life became a blur of Bloom, Big Spoon, Bayside and Blue Nami; food and faith. I was thriving-literally. More than I have ever thrived before. Or maybe just on a whole different level. There are those beautiful and guileless days as children that can be labeled as constant organic thriving. But the more you wear out your welcome on this Earth, the ingenuousness that emanates from your whimsical kiddy spirit fades. At this point you realize that you have to TRY to thrive now-put effort into what used to come so naturally. I would have to say that this is one of the most frustrating transitions that people encounter in life. At least for me it was.
Just recently my year began to decelerate from the rapid rate at which it had been moving in the previous months. I guess when you decide to blind yourself with a profusion of distractions because that's what seems easiest at the critical moment, you never contemplate or consider the magnitude of how loud the silence and quiet moments quickly become. In Brent Curtis & John Eldredges' book The Sacred Romance, they describe a term that theologians often use called "ontological lightness". " The reality that when I stop 'doing' and simply listen to my heart, I am not anchored to anything substantive. I become aware that my very identity is synonymous with activity." This is similar to the effect that I experienced, although mine personally was more of an avoidance of what I already knew was there that I had to face; not so much the fact that I had no identity outside of activity in the quietness of my own thoughts. That's not to say that I didn't have some major identity reconstruciton, or...simply construction...to do.
What I'm really getting at here is the importance of simplicity, silence and solitude. I have been basking in it for a month or so now and have come to the conclusion that you really cannot substantiate a true identity until you get alone with yourself and God first. As my friend Amanda once pointed out, "Who are YOU when no one else is around, without anyone else?"
It's been a crazy ride this year.....the fastest year I've experienced yet in my life. I feel like 3 months ago was January-it's blowing my mind up. And I'm positive that things will continue to go even faster as I get older. Insane. But I think it would be safe to say that these past 9 months or so I have grown and learned more than I ever have accumulated in such a short time ever before in my life. Coming out of this year I emerge as the antipode of the shell of a girl I used to be-sloughing off that unbearably insipid shell. Sometimes things have to get really bad before they get really good.
IN CONCLUSION to this extensive blog entry that I did not intend to be extensive, I am going to insert a list of new things that have happened or that I have done so far this year-firsts of sorts; to be added on to.
- Learned to love sushi after being an avid hater of it
- Had a monkey sit upon my lap
- Read 11 + books
- My gramsicle & momsicle's successful liver transplant-thank you Jesus
- Quit my job-without another one in place
- Saw Paramore, Tegan&Sara, Hillsong, and All-4-One (that's right-All-4-One)
- Tried out for American Idol
- Met over 30 new people, more than I've collectively met within such a short period of time before
- Rode the bull at the fair-YEEHAW (mechanical, shh)
- Became an official SPCA volunteer
- Learned to appreciate and enjoy expensive red wine
- Fell off of a horse (and got back on)
- Joined a new small group (the best one ever)
- Got baptized-ON MY BIRTHDAY! New birth
- Learn to drive stick (still needs perfection)
- Became a black coffee drinker-who woulda thought?
- Saw Wicked
- Caught the bouquet at a wedding
- Tried Pecan pie
- Tried gelato (Rose gelato rules my world)
- Took part in a flash mob
- Race for the Cure
- Went to the Air & Space Museum (wedding!)
- First church retreat
- See Anberlin
- Baked my first peach pie
- De-tiered a wedding cake
- Sported a Bindi
- Tried chutney (it was delicious)
- Tried plantains
- Had my first tamale
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