Evolution of Color

The progressive journey of my hurrs

HS Senior year

2008

2009

2010

2011

Carmel with blonde & copper streaks, turquoise panels

Give or take a few transitional box colors in between

Are you REALLY surrendered?

"My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers: my yearly devotional which I love because of the fact that he CONVICTS CONVICTS CONVICTS every time I read it-which I so greatly appreciate. I think that is one of the most lacking factors in devotionals today, the lack of exhortation-speaking TRUTH. It is just all feel good, tickling ears, warm fuzzies. But look at me go, that is a WHOLE other blog topic. I just intended to comment and expound a little bit on a quote or two from my devotion today.

"Have you ever realized that you can give things to God that are of value to Him""

Seems like a simple question doesn't it? Hits closer to home once we REALLY start considering the answer

"To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God..'but perfect love casts out fear.'"

In other words, if you ever find yourself walking on eggshells trying not to offend God, you should probably ask yourself...do you REALLY love Him? (Hence the title of this devotional: "Do you really love Him?") Perfect love CASTS OUT fear-fear of offending God is included in this. This is not to be confused with HOLY fear of God, which is ordained in His Word. But fear of the world, not heavenly fear is what is being pinpointed here. Surrender, TOTAL surrender, is always out of LOVE, NOT DUTY for Him.

Now on to total surrender. If I asked you what total surrender meant...what would you answer? Now let's try this again-if I asked you what total surrender was...what would you answer based on what you know you SHOULD answer as opposed to what you know to be true about surrender. Do not be apprehensive to test yourself-it needs to be done. Ask yourself the hardest possible questions. Have you surrendered to the point that you feel comfortable in your abdications? If so, you have not fully surrendered, to fulfill the true meaning of the word. Surrender is beautiful, yes. But it IS NOT COMFORTABLE. Human beings do not innately have surrender embedded within their nature. It is an act of God, an extension of His power to us, that we are even able to surrender anything. You say you surrender in songs, you say you surrender in prayers...alright-we'll find out won't we? Think of the thing that you value the most in your life right now. For some, it is family. For some, it is booze. For some, it is their cats. For some, it is sex. For some, it is their spouse or soon to be spouse. For some, it is their bank account and their inheritance. Choose your lot. Now-surrender it. If God blatantly asked you to give up your family today, move out of the country, donate 95% of your money without recompense...would you? Are you REALLY surrendered? For those of us that prize vanity as their highest possession-would you readily give up your make-up or image? Those trips to the gym that you HAVE TO make in order to keep that body that you love to look at? You know that job that provides you with a lucrative salary each month? That car that you treasure that gets you where you need to go and makes you look good while going there? That music/band/song that you love but simply cannot be qualified as a pointer to the God of all innocence. Would you give up flirting? What about school? Maybe a fast that cuts out that food that you just cannot see yourself going without. If you knew He was leading you toward a different, unfamiliar school...a different major, when you've already got everything planned out? What about if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was calling you to a life of singleness, would you surrender to Him? Surrender takes all different forms and shapes for each individual-but it all channels back to the one main Source.

So what is your niche? What is that thing that keeps the channels of surrender blocked between you and the All Powerful? Are you REALLY surrendered? Do you REALLY love Him?

Just as a correction if I am misunderstood in some respects here, the God that I talk about is not a God that takes takes takes. Quite the contrary-HIS NATURE IS TO GIVE. He is a GIVER. So I am not saying in all of this, that if you love something or enjoy something He will automatically take it away. But He WILL keep your hand open by some means or another when you have your fist clenched around the things that you think belong to you. Those things that you think belong to you? HE GAVE THEM TO YOU. You could not have those without Him. I am also not implying that He will allow you to keep the things that hurt yourself and Him, the things that go against His Word. This blog is merely to draw to the surface the things that you are placing above Him in your life. Priorities. Is your hand open for Him to give and take as He wills? Or are you still trusting yourself for knowing what is best for yourself more so than the God of the universe does? He is a just God. He is not out to make us miss out on anything. SURRENDER. Only then will we see what BEST for us REALLY means.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

And said, naked I came out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return: the Lord gave, and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

Job 1:21

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and JUST and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

1 John 1:9

Quirkety Wirketies

1. I detest metal wire hangers

2. I love anything BUT milk in my cereal: rice milk, almond milk, soy milk, half and half.

3. I'm all about the crunch. Crunchy is one of my favorite words and I love things that crunch.

4. I only eat with plastic ware

5. I like tangerines but do not like oranges

6. I'm a compulsive pillowcase changer

7. I like frozen bread with unmelted butter slathered on

8. I have a seatbelt fetish so to speak, I HIGHLY ENJOY the feeling of a seatbelt holding me in, especially during a quick stop. Consequently, if a seatbelt does not hold me in or lock into place, I sway every which way the car turns because I don't like holding myself in.

9. I'm all about the grandma sweaters-I am not ashamed

10. I like my art thick, slathered on, globbed on, textured, drippy, bright and colorful

(some additional art I enjoy)

11. I can't stand argyle

11. I hate open book, open note tests and quizzes-they make me nervous, anxious, and I'm horrible with them regardless of those who would argue "how can you be bad at open book tests?"

12. I love signing things

13. I don't like having a lot of money, it makes me frazzled

14. I loathe the word knob, so I just say bonk instead-which is knob backwards

15. I squeak when I get excited

16. I get so incredibly uncomfortable watching anything sexual in movies or on TV

17. I love writing but I detest writing papers

18. I'm quite efficient at memorizing things-names, Scripture, anything

19. Pears make me nauseous

20. I love the color peach

21. My favorite holiday is Halloween (sentimental childhood memories)

22. I can't stand the song Amazing Grace (words are fine, melody is painful)

23. I'm obsessed with water rides but terrified of roller coasters-till I go on them

24. I used to want to go into the military in 8th grade-I was DOING IT

25. I don't do minty gum, just fruity

26. Being photographed and videotaped makes me really awkward

27. I take my tea unsweetened

28. I love fondant-the texture is brilliant

Lil baybay fondant animals!

29. I can sing but I can't whistle. How twisted.

30. I used to eat the red tips off of matches when I was younger

31. Whenever I set a timer on the microwave, I always set an odd number

32. I love a little applesauce with my cinnamon

33. I hate wings; by extension, birds and butterflies

34. I don't like my fruit sweet, but tart

35. I hate drinking water unless I am absolutely parched

36. I have a maddening habit of scratching my scalp

37. I set my alarm even when I don't have to wake up early-as long as I get at least 8 hours

38. I do not have the womanly touch of decoration or furnishing a homey residence

39. I also cannot multitask like most women are supposed to be able to do

40. I don't mind watching movies over and over again

41. When I read magazines, I have to start at the very last page and work my way forward

42. I have to see my food as I eat it, I have to look at the bite before I bite it

43. I read the ends of books first

44. I don't enjoy ice in my water, but in my rice milk yes

45. Barry Manilow's music has a special place in my heart

46. I have a great affection for gas station convenience stores

47. I love the dentist and their goodie bags

48. I highly enjoy the magazine reading materials on tables in places of business

49. Not an advocate of energy drinks at all, except for bawls

50. I love double jointed fingers, arms and legs-I've always wanted them

So What's New With You?

You know when people ask you how you are or what's new and you conjure up something that sounds semi productive or interesting? Then later you circulate the question in your mind to your own mind and regurgitate the question...."How HAVE I been??...What IS new with me?" Then we get frustrated, disappointed, depressed, to some degree that we actually are aware of our empty existence. No? No one else, this just happened to me before? Well the point of this blog is not to wallow in sorrow of a life filled with a vacuous lack of meaning. Quite the antipode actually. Rather recently I have taken notice of the fact that when someone asks me a question such as stated above, I have a profusion of good news, interesting happenings, and divine encounters. As so many of the other situations in my life now, this is the first time in my life that such a state of being has occupied residency with me. In previous times, I always wished that I had more scintillating nuggets of news when anybody would ask me a simple question of person interest. Now it seems as though I never have enough time to accommodate such a broad question with a fitting answer. But then again, I guess the majority of individuals that ask those questions never really care about an answer do they? At one point, that fact bothered me. Now...I'm just beautifully satiated in the authenticity and ebullient vivacity of my answer, SHOULD anyone ask me. Now of course, the next linear question would be "Well...what caused this shift from laconic, automated answers to spirited, passionate explanations?" I hate to be cliche. REALLY hate to be one of THOSE. But try your very best to shed the cliche scales from your ears if only to consider this one indubitable, bona fide truth: Jesus. Who else would be responsible for this passion but the One who created passion to begin with?

What Happened?

Taking into account the fact that I have already written extensive blogs on the topic of nostalgia, I will keep this one short and sweet. Upon excavating old youtube videos from high-school the reoccurring question that continued to plague my mind was "....What happened? What happened to all of us??" Some of us...not much happened. Some of us...are completely gone. Where did they go? Is that person in the video lost forever, will we never see them again? It's insane to think of where we were then and where we are now. Some of us will never change-and for some of us, that is a very good thing for the most part. Some of us have regressed...digressed; exacerbated old bad habits that have mutated into lifestyles that waste away the human vitality in every sense. On a more positive note, there are always those who end up no where near any of us thought they would, yet in a completely efficacious way. Bottom line: Looking back on where we used to be has an extraordinary way of accentuating the undeniable fact that the nature of life is to always vacillate, fluctuate, and undulate. Nothing is consistent, nothing is fixed. Not even the parts of us that we promised ourselves would be discrepancy free.

Stroke of Luck

We were a stroke of luck
We were a late night vision
I was all that you longed for
You were all I was missing
This could be the change we're looking for
We're all angels on the inside
We play filthy roles

I can hear the sirens ringing
Exhaust pipes screaming
And that's when it happened
The caress of the path less traveled
Simply missing in action, and I
I awake now two years later
Exposed under the light
And I cannot find myself
I've become someone else