Transition

Never in my life before have I felt time move this rapidly. I wish there was a way to say this without dragging after it the cliche-ness that often accompanies this phrase-but I feel like this time last year was only just a few months ago. It's Halloween. My favorite holiday. Yet this year does not feel like Halloween whatsoever. Not one iota. This has something to do with the fact that I have been in Tahoe for the past 3 days on The Shore at Bayside's Consumed church conference. I arrived home only a few hours ago and have forgotten all day long that it is that time of year again. The time of green, purple, black and orange. The time of candy out the wazoo. The time of costumes and cats. Also, for the majority of the population, the time of floozy costumes and sickening amounts of alcohol. I regret to say that I used to be in that exact place. I used to be one of those girls. I rejoice to say that since then, SO much...scratch that-EVERYTHING has changed. If I met that girl now, I would detest her no doubt. I detest her still.

Last year on October 31st marked a time in my life that I could honestly say I came closest to hitting rock bottom. So the transition that has taken place in me and everything else around me ever since one year exactly from today....is incomprehensible and staggering. The term "it blows my mind" does not come close to describing the contrast that I feel and see. As I look through the pictures of everyone having their usual good time on Halloween as most people do, at first I sometimes feel a twinge of...nostalgia? Longing? Then I come to my senses, put things in perspective. They call it "wasted" for a reason. There goes another night of your life that you won't remember. Sometimes people just live to look forward to the next night that they won't remember. Congratulations. Whenever I feel a sadness for the "fun" that I used to have but choose not to participate in anymore...I just remember that I have a higher calling. We all do but none of us embrace it. To put it bluntly, we all were made for a bigger purpose and bigger dreams-that don't include wasting and giving your body away.

Maybe I sound conservative. Maybe I sound like a prude. Call it what you want. But at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself...does it get any better than this? Is this the best that it's gonna get for me in this lifestyle? Is this the most that I want for myself and my life? People just want to live their lives and have fun because hey-you only get one life to live right? EXACTLY. One life to live-so once your kind of "fun" is over...what are you left with? It's the long run that matters isn't it? It's called the LONG run for a reason-because that's what will last. The more I look back on my life one year ago today...I wonder what my life will be like NEXT year-next Halloween. Now that I see the overwhelming capacity for change in just 365 days...I literally cannot wait for this time next year. I guess my only option is to wait though-last time I checked time doesn't consult me before propelling. And the more I look at people's lives that I used to be a part of...the more I see that for them...life just goes on-exactly how it always has.

October 31st, 2009

October 31st, 2010

Different Girls.

"Forgotten the taste and smell of a world that she's left behind."