Thursday, October 7, 2010

DEEP

So there's this guy in my math class. I've never met anyone quite like him before. He's an extremely unique individual-just a little dude, always smiley-always inquiring. He has questions flowing out of him like it's his last chance to ask them. And if he isn't asking a question, you can tell his whole being is aching to spit one out and that he is just waiting for the opportunity. Now, these aren't the questions that everyone hates to hear, also known as dumb questions. These are legit questions...but maybe not so legit or expected for math class. He is very smart academically but seems very naiive to much else. Seems very open, very kind, and gets really down on himself for making a mistake in math. It's like he's in a constant state of feeding-but emotional, mental and intellectual feeding. One of those people that asks you a question and ravenously awaits your answer, hanging on every word. I love those kinds of people-so rare in these days of slow to listen, quick to speak, short attention span generation.
Today was unique in the sense that we were not obligated to hone our full attention onto the teacher and his lesson because it was our review day for our test this next week. So naturally, in the low hum and murmur of voices working through problems, Porter (this is his name) found his perfect opportunity to jump into some full fledged left field questions. He does preface some of his deep "theological" questions with a starter kit occasionally, I'll give him that. But with this guy, you gotta be ready to expect the unexpected. You know those people that say the right thing at the right time? Porter is not one of these, as most of us aren't. Like today-his subject and target was the girl behind him primarily-although he is open to anyone and everyone who will listen, ask, and answer. He began with what some would call small talk-"What's your major? Why do you want to do that? So what do you think you'll do with that?" You gotta give him credit for his inquisition merely for the reason of people like him being really interesting to talk to. And with questions like his, in quantity and quality (slipping some statistics into here, watch me go), who could get bored dialoguing? Everyone likes to be asked about themselves. Today-I believe he extrapolated on a comment that the girl behind him had made earlier in the class period; something along the lines of "I'm a pessimistic person". He turned around in the midst of the lack of any conversation anywhere in the room, much less with he and this girl. "Why do you think you're a pessemist?" Wow-nothing like getting straight to the point am I right? Refreshing no? I think one of the things that makes Porter so likable is not only the fact that he has the curiosity to venture out into these questions with perfect strangers, but also the fact that he does not care one iota. Because aren't those always the people that we tend to like and find interesting? The ones who do not care what people think of their ideas, questions, or how they interact or think? Yes alright, sometimes these people can also be very obnoxious and facetious. But we're not focusing in on that kind of specimen right now. He proceeded to ask the most comical, amusing, ice breaking question I have ever heard sprung onto someone unaware in the context of a math class: "Do you believe in aliens?" At this point, he went up 11 cool points in Alyssa's Cool Book (for further information on Alyssa's Cool Book, see me for details on this after). 1. He was dogmatic enough to say what he was thinking and ask another's opinion on it. Maybe he really is just searching himself and not as laden with personal opinion as he may seem on the surface. 2. Lets be real-who asks that??? In a math class. SO legit. Someone's gotta keep the social life of this class on it's toes right? Go fight win Porter. So naturally, I pounced at this point and by pounced I mean allowed the eavesdropping to commence. (You must understand as an addition to the previous sentence, that I am a more stifled, reserved Alyssa in this class. I will not go into why here in my blog-it's a touchy topic. Alyssa's got jokes-alright no more 3rd person, I know gets creepy) As Joel (the teacher) was handing back graded homework down my isle at the same time as this question was proposed, he became attentive. Or maybe he had been attentive the whole time (very likely). And I've figured out the general gist of how this Porter dude operates-if he makes eye contact, you can be sure you've got a question coming your way. I found this out by experience as I directed my attention in the area of their dialoguing. He then asks ME: "Do YOU believe in aliens?" Ah, there it is. The infamous, brilliantly preposterous and entertaining question. I kept it brief and stated that I think that with all of the billions and billions of planets and galaxies out in our universe, it is a bit selfish to believe that our planet is the only one with life on it. And the girl interjected, "Now is that about aliens or God?" And I responded "Oh I was just talking about extra terrestrial life." Joel heard, and says "Deep." He said it in a tone that indicated that he was completely serious about me being "deep", no smile or anything.
Let me go off on a little rabbit trail here for a second. Earlier before the alien bomb was dropped, there was back and forth talk about "society", generalizing, stereotyping, and categories. The girl behind Porter (as of right now she becomes "the girl behind Porter") continued to express that she did not consider herself to be "in a category". And lets be real, most people do not like to "stereotype" themselves into nice little categories and boxes anyway-is that even possible anyway? I mean, even if you don't "fit into a category", isn't that in itself placing you into the "I don't fit into a category, I don't want to be stereotyped" category? There are plenty of people that feel that way that can very easily be grouped into that generalized assembly no? And since this next topic I'm about to introduce overlaps what I'm already talking about, I'm just going to touch on it real quick but not dig deeper because it is way too vast. Just as "abnormal" can be termed as the "new normal" very often in our generation now, so it is with stereotyping and categorizing. Maybe not being stereotyped and fit into a box is the new stereotype......just a thought.
ANYWAY. Now on to a completely different rabbit trail (I apologize for the rabbit trails talk-I blame my wildlife management teacher). DEEP. So among some crowds, there seems to be a negative charge behind this word "deep". I have come to find that the people that tend to be repellant of this word are usually the people that don't take themselves seriously, OR live simply to party or have fun OR are afraid of what is really inside of them that will erupt if this topic is ruptured and starts oozing out OR all of the above. Most common I have observed is the third-they don't want to get real with themselves, find out what's really inside, they don't want to go past the surface for fear of facing what they know to be true. Typically these are the "numbers", as opposed to the indulgers. Everyone in the world is one of the two (more food for thought, if I'm not overfeeding your gluttonous mind already). I started thinking about it and thinking about whether I like to be classified into this "deep" "category". Maybe it is just the assortment of people that I just mentioned above that has cast a slightly derogatory feel on this adjective. If so, then I should have no problem whatsoever being "labeled" (OH the loaded word of "labeled", lets not get into that now) as deep. Perhaps even see it as a compliment. I guess in order to qualify for this train of thought I need to take into account what the definition of "deep" really is/means. That is different for everyone though. So it seems an impossible task. No solid definition, no solid epilogue....kosher? Some things aren't meant to have a concrete conclusion anyway. So deep-I would say that this is a desirable quality personally because why would you want someone who is surface, can't see past what's in front of them and offered to them on a plate? So much in life needs to be dug into to find the treasure, unearthed to find the richness. Of course there is nothing completely wrong about sticking to the surface...but why would you want to cheat yourself like that anyway? I would classify deep first and foremost as a thinker. A delver. Someone with a different mindset and point of view on the world and everything in and of it. Most importantly...I would classify deep as someone who believes that there is something more than what we can just see in front of us, and lives accordingly. I am also a firm believer in the consistency between skeptics and the word deep. They cannot coincide very easily if at all. Of course there are always exceptions to everything. But if you allow skepticism to rule your intellectual, moral, academic, and spiritual thinking...deep will not likely have an outlet in your life for cognizant activity. So at least based off of my own observation and opinion of the definition of deep, I would say that yes I would qualify for this category...and I would say that yes-with that, I am completely copacetic.
As far as Porter and his questions, he did venture even further after the aliens and asked me if I believed in God. I said yes. He asked if I go to church every Sunday. I said yes. He asked if I was a Christian. I said yes. And yes, that is all very elementary-very surface. But you cannot throw calculus at someone who has not yet taken algebra. So the seed is planted. Now we pray-and wait.

*Names changed

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So that neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth."
1 Corinthians 13:6-7

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Proverbs 30

Some seasons of life just call for certain books of the Bible-October must be the month of Proverbs for me. I'd also like to give a little shout out to Psalms as the sidekick right now. But just recently I have been really drawn to & centered on Proverbs, the "book of widsom and common sense"; tools that everyone could use more of to furnish their lives with.
As I was going through my devotions today I stumbled upon Proverbs 30. I recognized bits and pieces of it but had not read straight through the chapter in its entirety. It is powerful to say the least. After digesting it a first time I read it over a second time savoring every single word. I wanted to dig a little bit deeper so I pulled out my Message version of it...and was a little caught off guard with how different some of the verses are from the original scripture. I understand it's a modernized and summarized version that's easier to understand but I wanted to beef out some differences I had with certain phrases. Just as there were morsels that differed exponentially from what I believe the original text meant/means to communicate, there were also portions that were unabashedly blunt which was refreshing. Proverbs in itself often tends to be a rather brusque book of the Bible-and I am A Ok with that. So without further a due, let my scrutiny of Proverbs 30 commence.

The first verse that really got to me was verse 5. It reads
"Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words or He will reprove you, and you will be proved a liar."
To start with, try and take in the magnitude of "His every word being tested". He does not want us to test Him out of spite or arrogance but He does want us to ask Him to prove and reveal Himself to us because we are hungry for more of Him. "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. 'Test me in this,' says the Lord Almighty, 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.'" Malachi 3:10. He is confident and sovereign in His power and omnipotence and wants us to be as well as offspring of the king. He is ready and willing to prove Himself and His power to us whenever we are ready-such a gentleman, always patient yet persistent. Always waiting until we are ready. What a Man.
Now lets take the second bit of the verse-
"He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him."
Now, this may be a phrase that we hear all too often and consequently have become anesthetized to its potent effect and raw truth. Everyone feels "ganged up" on at some point in their life, sometimes more frequently than they'd like. So just take a moment to consider this verse in light of those situations-if we curl up in His arms, in His presence, in His words, we are never affected by those rising up against us. We are never intimidated when we've got the Big Man's wing's enveloping us. Tell me that's not legit. Next time I feel like I am being teamed up on, I've got no one on my side...I'll have these words hidden in my heart. I'll be just fine because He is my shield. My fatty shield right in front of me and all around me.

The last point that I want to get at is the last half of the verse obviously. People make the mistake of adding a little of this a little of that to the Holy Scriptures, whether it be conscious or unconscious. It says "He will reprove you and you will be proved a liar." Go back to a time in your life when you were proved a liar. It is probably one of the worst, most embarrassing and uncomfortable happenings that you can undergo. When you are proved a liar, nothing you say can remedy anything-anything you say only degrades your case even further. You've been exposed and there's no backtracking. Exposure. Vulnerability. Never comfortable and only helpful when done by God Himself or by God through someone else. How can we keep the pride at bay if we do not allow Christ the authority in our lives to expose us and strip us to bare and raw vulnerability? We can't. Thank you Jesus.

Verse 8: "keep deception and lies far from me, give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion."

Let me zoom in on the latter fragments-I can't speak for anyone else but I can immensely relate to the poverty nor riches jig. I have come to realize something peculiar about myself over the course of several similar situations: I do not know what to do with myself when I receive large sums of money. When I have more means in my bank account than my norm I feel completely at a loss. I am the type of person that feels totally overwhelmed with too many options, retreat then withdraw. When I have more money than I know what to do with I would rather not spend any of it...I can't bring myself to touch it or else I do not use it wisely at all. Tying this into the verse, "feed me with the food that is my portion" aka, no more no less than what I need to get by. Sometimes that means comfortably sometimes that means it will be a little snug. I can honestly say that I really would rather have just what I need than riches in abundance-it gets to us humans you know? This is the part where I would like to inject an "Into the Wild" quote: "My days were more exciting when I was penniless." How can we watch what God can do with his infinite power in our finite lives if we have all that we need? We can't. I will confess I have sent up prayers before to God in supplication with thanksgiving requesting that He would increase my riches SO THAT I could IN TURN give them away. I believe that is one of the only reasons, if not the only, that we should be praying for riches of this world. The currency of the Earth is wasting away and will be gone soon. Investing in goods that people will always need is key. We will soon have no use for money. We need to step up our investments wouldn't you say?

The following verse expands even more on not wanting poverty nor riches-verse 9 reads "That I not be full and deny You and say 'Who is the Lord?' Once again I reiterate the fact of needing to be in need to see Him provide for us. If we are all set, why would we search for Him?

The next sections of this chapter are the original reason that I chose to write this blog entry. Proverbs 30:15-33. Scripture proceeds to describe Four Insatiables, Four Mysteries, Four Intolerables, Four Small Wonders, and Four Dignitaries (as The Message version describes). Observing the previous statement, I will be contrasting original scripture with The Message abbreviated, modernized version. The original text version I am using is the New American Standard version which I am a huge fan of. The following observations will be purely opinion of course-but accurate opinion if I may.

Four Insatiables
There are said to be "three things that will not be satisfied, Four that will not say, 'Enough.'" (NAS)

Original text
1. Sheol
2. The barren womb
3. Earth that is never satisfied with water
4. And fire that never says "Enough"
The Message
1. Hell
2. A barren womb
3. A parched land
4. A forest fire

Four Mysteries
"There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Four which I do not understand" (NAS)

Original Text
1. The way of an eagle in the sky
2. The way of a serpent on a rock
3. The way of a ship in the middle of the sea
4. And the way of a man with a maid. (my personal favorite)
The Message
1. How an eagle flies so high in the sky
2. How a snake glides over a rock
3. How a ship navigates the ocean
4. Why adolescents act the way they do
Alright now. One of the contrasts that I have a beef with. I don't know where the Message got their version of number four in regards to this passage but they are obviously completely two different things. And as someone who has heard at least one message in church in relation to this portion of Scripture, I have never heard number four described as "why adolescents act the way they do." And also as my favorite piece is number four, I am particularly defensive about this verse. I researched other versions of this verse to solidify my point of view on this particular deviation of verse. I will only list the following versions that differ from the New American Standard version and obviously differ from the Message version.
New Living Translation: "...how a man loves a woman."
English Standard Version: "...and the way of a man with a virgin."
Contemporary English Version: "...or people fall in love."
New Century Version: "...and the way a man and a woman fall in love."
GOD'S WORD Translation: "...a man making his way with a virgin."
Young's Literal Translation: "...and the way of a man in youth."
Holman Christian Standard Bible: "...and the way of a man with a young woman."
So as you can see, all but one (Young's Literal Translation) describes this line in verse 19 as the way of a man with a maid, a man with a woman, or something of the like. I'm sure there is definitely a case for "why adolescents act the way they do" of course, but not in this verse of Scripture. Point established.

Now, before I move on to the Four Intolerables, I would just love to add for the enjoyment and surliness of it the Message version verse that immediately follows the Four Mysteries. I immensely appreciated the raw quality that this version strips out:
"Here's how a prostitute operates: she has sex with her client, takes a bath, then asks, 'Who's next?'"
The Message is throwin down, just keepin it real. I just needed to steal a moment for that.

The Four Intolerables
"Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot bear up" (NAS)

Original Text
1. Under a slave when he becomes king
2. And a fool when he is satisfied with food
3. Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband
4. And a maidservant when she supplants her mistress
Message Version
1. When the janitor becomes the boss
2. When a fool gets rich
3. When a whore is voted "woman of the year"
4. When a "girlfriend" replaces a faithful wife
When I first read the original text of this portion, it was slightly unclear and vague to me exactly what was being referred to, hence the reason that I originally scooped up my Message version to see what it had to say in comparison. As far as "things that the earth cannot bear" I am not sure the connotation behind this. Obviously it seems to be mostly derogatory but while reading this I found myself pondering, "Well what's the matter with someone in a low position being able to escalate to a higher position? Doesn't everyone deserve that chance?" And of course that is true, but I think I was just poking at the wrong point when considering these verses. And the second? I completely relate-it drives me insane sometimes when I see those who are careless, stupid, and naiive succeed in their endeavors and earn what they don't deserve. On a slightly deviant note, none of us deserve anything in the first place. We can into this world with nothing and we will leave with nothing. Everything we've had, have now, or ever will have, material or spiritual, was given to us by pure, raw, unreserved grace on His Almighty's end. Thank you Abba.
Number 3 got to me a little bit and when I first contemplated the distinction
between the two I felt a substantial twinge of shifts in weight between the meaning
behind each. My initial impression of the original text's meaning behind number 3 was
how ground breaking and earth quaking, in a positive way, it was for an unloved a.k.a untouched woman to finally be touched and loved because she has never felt that way before. (Yes, I did just hear Madonna's "Like a Virgin" in my head right now.) But gathering the connotation of the other verses contexts, I realized that maybe the Message's version of number 3 isn't so off after all. I still leave this open ended as of now, I haven't come to a solid conclusion on this in my own mind yet. Maybe eventually I will. Also, the time period that this was written in and the way things and phrases were said and considered should be taken into account as a huge factor as well.

Four Small Wonders
"There are four small creatures, wisest of the wise they are" (Message)

Original Text
1. The ants
2. The shephanim
3. The locusts
4. The lizard
The Message version
1. Ants
2. Marmots
3. Locusts
4. Lizards
The ants are said to be "not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer".
Again, considering the time period that certain Scripture was written, there are different names used for certain things such as this instance. The shephanim is obviously interchangeable with Marmots. By definition, the marmot can be described as
1. "any bushy-tailed, stocky rodent of the genus Marmota, as the woodchuck
2. "any of certain related animals, as the prairie dogs
Just to give you a general idea of what a shaphanim or marmot is. These are said to be "not a mighty people, yet they make their houses in the rocks." The Message version recites "vulnerable as they are, manage to arrange for rock-solid homes". This reminds me of a couple of things. The wise man building his house upon the rock in reference to Matthew 7:24: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." Also, the fact that Jesus uses the ordinary in life to do His great will and purpose. As I recently read in my devotional, God isn't looking for the one with the abilities but the one with the availability. Another hint into the character of God here is the obvious fact that He values and rewards those who are hard workers.
The locusts "have no king, yet all of them go out in ranks"
And lastly but not leastly, the lizard-"you may grasp with the hands, yet it is in king's palaces." Message version? "...but they sneak past vigilant palace guards."

Four Dignitaries
"There are three things which are stately in their march, Even four which are stately when they walk" (NAS)

Original Text
1. The lion
2. The strutting rooster
3. The male goat
4. A king when his army is with him (personal favorite)
Message
1. A lion
2. A rooster
3. A billy goat
4. A head of state in stately procession
Can I just begin by saying I am an avid supporter especially of number one. Although the fact that I am a proud cat lover comes into play, I cannot help but to think of Aslan in Chronicles of Narnia and how His very presence demands attention even from the Evil One. Lions by nature are utterly gorgeous, breathtaking creatures and have a magnificent majesty about them.
As far as the rooster and billy goat, I'll pretty much leave them to fend for themselves. Although I will interject my intense annoyance with roosters-yes it is all too true how they walk around like they own the planet making their sound of theirs like they think it's the most beautiful sound on God's green earth. I'll spear one someday.
Number 4? Definitely not a fan of the Message's version of number four. However, I'm crazy about the original text's wording of number four-just think about how secure and accepted you feel with all those who are for you behind you. It's a beautiful feeling knowing you got your back covered, just as a king with his army proudly behind him.

This powerful and mighty chapter trickles off into one verse bursting at the seams with intensity, cleverness and truth; it reveals the organic, unstripped common sense that Proverbs stands for: "If you have been foolish in exalting yourself Or if you have plotted evil, put your hand on your mouth. For the churning of milk produces butter; And pressing the nose brings forth blood; So the churning of anger produces strife." (NAS)

"If you're dumb enough to call attention to yourself by offending people and making rude gestures, Don't be suprised if someone bloodies your nose. Churned milk turns into butter; riled emotions turn into fist fights. (Message)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

2010-The Year of New

With a rather unexpected and abrupt ending to my 2009 (Thank God), I catapulted myself into 2010 as the "Year of New" and the onset of the best years of my life. Maybe a plethora of people begin every year with this ideal in mind then never take action to follow through with it therefore it morphs into the same banal year as the one before it. And the year before that one. Long story short, I really didn't have a choice in the matter this run through-my only option was change. And change for the better-it's a bit difficult to go anywhere but up when you're as far down as you've ever been before, verdad?
As 2010 initiated itself before I had given it permission to it seemed, I immersed myself in an array of productive distractions within the first few months-but still distractions nonetheless. I somehow became a fitness enthusiast and planted myself in the rich soil of Bayside Church. These two things began to occupy my time more than any other activities and succeeded marvelously in tackling the colossal assignment of forcing my mind to deviate from the deeply ingrained patterns and thoughts that used to consume my life.
So the year progressed. My life became a blur of Bloom, Big Spoon, Bayside and Blue Nami; food and faith. I was thriving-literally. More than I have ever thrived before. Or maybe just on a whole different level. There are those beautiful and guileless days as children that can be labeled as constant organic thriving. But the more you wear out your welcome on this Earth, the ingenuousness that emanates from your whimsical kiddy spirit fades. At this point you realize that you have to TRY to thrive now-put effort into what used to come so naturally. I would have to say that this is one of the most frustrating transitions that people encounter in life. At least for me it was.
Just recently my year began to decelerate from the rapid rate at which it had been moving in the previous months. I guess when you decide to blind yourself with a profusion of distractions because that's what seems easiest at the critical moment, you never contemplate or consider the magnitude of how loud the silence and quiet moments quickly become. In Brent Curtis & John Eldredges' book The Sacred Romance, they describe a term that theologians often use called "ontological lightness". " The reality that when I stop 'doing' and simply listen to my heart, I am not anchored to anything substantive. I become aware that my very identity is synonymous with activity." This is similar to the effect that I experienced, although mine personally was more of an avoidance of what I already knew was there that I had to face; not so much the fact that I had no identity outside of activity in the quietness of my own thoughts. That's not to say that I didn't have some major identity reconstruciton, or...simply construction...to do.
What I'm really getting at here is the importance of simplicity, silence and solitude. I have been basking in it for a month or so now and have come to the conclusion that you really cannot substantiate a true identity until you get alone with yourself and God first. As my friend Amanda once pointed out, "Who are YOU when no one else is around, without anyone else?"
It's been a crazy ride this year.....the fastest year I've experienced yet in my life. I feel like 3 months ago was January-it's blowing my mind up. And I'm positive that things will continue to go even faster as I get older. Insane. But I think it would be safe to say that these past 9 months or so I have grown and learned more than I ever have accumulated in such a short time ever before in my life. Coming out of this year I emerge as the antipode of the shell of a girl I used to be-sloughing off that unbearably insipid shell. Sometimes things have to get really bad before they get really good.
IN CONCLUSION to this extensive blog entry that I did not intend to be extensive, I am going to insert a list of new things that have happened or that I have done so far this year-firsts of sorts; to be added on to.

  • Learned to love sushi after being an avid hater of it
  • Had a monkey sit upon my lap
  • Read 11 + books
  • My gramsicle & momsicle's successful liver transplant-thank you Jesus
  • Quit my job-without another one in place
  • Saw Paramore, Tegan&Sara, Hillsong, and All-4-One (that's right-All-4-One)
  • Tried out for American Idol
  • Met over 30 new people, more than I've collectively met within such a short period of time before
  • Rode the bull at the fair-YEEHAW (mechanical, shh)
  • Became an official SPCA volunteer
  • Learned to appreciate and enjoy expensive red wine
  • Fell off of a horse (and got back on)
  • Joined a new small group (the best one ever)
  • Got baptized-ON MY BIRTHDAY! New birth
  • Learn to drive stick (still needs perfection)
  • Became a black coffee drinker-who woulda thought?
  • Saw Wicked
  • Caught the bouquet at a wedding
  • Tried Pecan pie
  • Tried gelato (Rose gelato rules my world)
  • Took part in a flash mob
  • Race for the Cure
  • Went to the Air & Space Museum (wedding!)
  • First church retreat
  • See Anberlin
  • Baked my first peach pie
  • De-tiered a wedding cake
  • Sported a Bindi
  • Tried chutney (it was delicious)
  • Tried plantains
  • Had my first tamale